UMNO: The Only Party That Is Consistent

Posted on March 17, 2008


There are many nasty things you could say about UMNO, and many have done so, but if there is one thing everybody would agree on, it is that this party has been very consistent. The United Malays National Organization is perhaps second only to George W. Bush in consistently delivering ridiculous statements to the unsuspecting public. Mahathir Mohamad is unanimously regarded as the man responsible for laying the groundwork for UMNO’s disastrous PR maneuvers, annoying journalists with his ‘apa nama?’ response and consistently forgetting important details while clearly remembering imaginary events, such as Anwar Ibrahim’s extracurricular homosexual activities.

UMNO may have been complacent over the years and diverted from its mission to champion the rights of the downtrodden, but its leaders have never forgotten to bless the people of Malaysia with statements and gestures that are nothing short of bizarre. Some of us may not be able to recall UMNO’s original founders but all of us would always remember that fateful day when common sense lost its way and Hishammuddin Hussein Onn mistook a keris for a mineral water bottle.

UMNO has once again proven to the doubters out there that it is the only party that can be trusted in issuing silly statements that make even the terminally foolish Bush seem intelligent by comparison. UMNO vice-president Mohd Ali Rustam recently joined the chorus of senior Penang UMNO leaders in calling for a moratorium on all BN mega projects in the state. “We have to stop all major projects in Penang as this is what the people wanted” declared Ali Rustam with the supreme confidence only an UMNO veep can muster. Actually, they wanted greater transparency and an end to corruption, but perhaps Ali Rustam missed that sentiment.

“If we stop all major projects, the people would realise what they had lost and would then come back to the BN”, said the Malacca Chief Minister, echoing a theory popular among the allegedly educated folks at UMNO. This playing-hard-to-get thing might work if UMNO was an attractive lady and the guy is chasing, but when your party is plagued by mismanagement and the people have lost faith, blackmailing them is the last thing you should be doing. Who is UMNO’s PR chief and what is he smoking? If only each and every Malaysian emulated the uncompromising consistency displayed by the good folks at UMNO, then our buses will always run on time, our nasi lemak will always taste good and Malaysia will be a better country to live in. Stay tuned for the next set of ridiculous UMNO statements, coming to a mainstream media outlet near you.