How to Perform Random Acts of Gluttony

Posted on December 3, 2007

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Fat seems certain to overtake tobacco as public enemy number one, and already regulations are being put in place to restrict the individual’s right to compromise their health and good looks by snacking on sugar-laden and over-salted junk food. There is genuine concern that fat people, also known in PC-speak as “heavy-boned”, “carbon-rich” and “generously-endowed”, will not be able to run away fast enough to escape the angry mob of gym junkies from Fitness First in their zeal to convert Malaysia into a fat-free society.

In the spirit of subversion and the hope of defeating the evil force that is political correctness, we are proposing a Glutton’s Day where observers can perform random acts of gluttony. This can be as simple as enjoying a whole bucket of fried chicken, not sharing a plastic bagful of pisang goreng, or juggling 5 big balls of pegedil with your mouth. Make a Nyonya happy by buying 2, 3 or 10 chunky slices of kuih. Exfoliate your skin with a rich layer of melted chocolate, and lick yourself clean afterwards, or have someone do it for you. Feed your soul with a generous serving of nasi ayam, sooth your senses with a slurp of the broth, and satisfy your teeth’s primal urge by grinding the accompanying roast chicken. Finally, extract the meager juices by sucking on the bone.

If, God forbid, you are approached by a well-meaning dietician or concerned citizen worried about your stomach-stretching orgy, we recommend borrowing a line made famous by our local politicians and tell them not to “meddle with my internal affairs”.

Posted in: Food