Jaguh Kampung Of The Month

Malaysian society is mired in a perpetual fixation with handing out awards and titles, and although our economic outlook is posted at 5% this year, early indicators point to a steady 8% growth per annum for datukship entitlements over the next decade, with the likelihood of a higher rate if either the Sultan of Pahang or the Yang Di-Pertuan Besar Negeri Sembilan choose to increase the already high figures of datukships handed out by the two states. As true-blue Malaysians, we would like to do our part in maintaining this culture of award ceremonies by presenting the ‘Jaguh Kampung’ award each month to the Malaysian we deem as most deserving of this highest honour. The Anugerah Jaguh Kampung recipient would encapsulate the mediocre and most absurd of Malaysian sensibilities, and we are proud to present this month’s inaugural Jaguh Kampung award to Umno Youth President Hishamuddin Hussein Onn for his overzealous rhetoric and keris-swaying demeanour at the recently-concluded UMNO General Assembly.

Hishamuddin was featured in this site’s inaugural post, “Kewarasan Hishamuddin Hussein Onn Dipersoal“, where his mental stability was questioned amid the ultra-national and fascist tones of his speech. His behaviour on and off-stage resembled a person on the verge of amok and it was quite worrying to witness a wannabe Prime Minister behaving in such irrational conduct. Just as Scandinavians possess a tendency towards alcoholism and Latinos are born with hip-swaying genes, we Malays are renowned for our amok DNA. Apparently it’s in our blood to just suddenly go psycho and kill off the entire village with a blunt keris. Incidentally, amok is one of the few Malay words registered in English dictionaries, although it’s been altered to ‘amuck’ and pronounced in a weird way that sounds more like ‘emak’.

In a recent interview with Joceline Tan of The Star, Hishamuddin denied his brandishing of the keris as a violent gesture towards non-Malays, viewing it instead as a cultural symbol to “motivate the Malays”. Hmm, Encik Hishamuddin, what’s wrong with a book? Brandishing a book – preferably something with an intellectual content, not your trashy tabloid Mastika – would be a far better symbol to motivate the Malays, given our poor academic and intellectual standing amongst other Malaysians. No, a book would be too sensible. No self-respecting amok would go about terrorizing the whole village with the complete set of Encyclopedia Brittanica. Thank you, Hishamuddin, for making us realise there’s an amok in each and every one of us. For that you deserve the Jaguh Kampung Bulan November award.

Kewarasan Hishamuddin Hussein Onn Dipersoal

TANJUNG RAMBUTAN – Banyak yang sedang diperkatakan terhadap Persidangan Agung UMNO dan elemen berunsur perkauman dan ugutan yang disampaikan segolongan para perwakilan, kebanyakannya dipercayai tidak mempunyai asas pendidikan yang tinggi. Ketua Pemuda UMNO, Hishamuddin Hussein Onn, dibidas oleh sesetengah pihak yang sudah naik lemas dengan karenahnya yang kelihatan tidak siuman di atas pentas. Walaubagaimanapun, reaksi paling keras datang daripada Persatuan Pahlawan Silat Se-Malaysia (SEPASAL), yang tersinggung dengan cara amatur Hishamuddin Hussein Onn memegang kerisnya itu.

“Saya khuatir Encik Hishamuddin kita ni sebenarnya tidak pernah bersilat, apa lagi memegang keris,” kata salah seorang ahli SEPASAL, yang hanya mahu dikenali sebagai Mahaguru Anon Nimas. Tambah beliau, keris, yang merupakan satu simbol kebanggaan warisan Melayu, tidak sepatutnya dilontar-lentir seperti yang diperlakukan Ketua Pemuda UMNO itu. “Ini bukan alat permainan seperti robot Power Ranger merah jambu,” katanya. Pengerusi Yayasan Pesakit Mental Malaysia, Puan Kasimah Selamat, menyatakan rasa bimbang beliau terhadap keadaan emosi Hishamuddin Hussein Onn. Kata beliau, politik merupakan salah satu pekerjaan yang paling membebankan. Jikalau benarlah khabar angin yang mengatakan Hishamuddin di ambang kehilangan akal, ini bukan pertama kali kes hilang akal telah melanda suasana politik negara ini. Gambar-gambar dari Persidangan UMNO itu menampilkan Hishamuddin dan ahli-ahli politik kelas kedua di belakangnya melonjakkan tangan seperti menuntut kemenangan, yang menimbulkan tanda tanya sekiranya mereka bercita-cita menubuhkan negara Fasis seperti yang diidamkan seorang lagi ahli politik kurang waras dan kurang pendidikan, Adolf Hitler.

Penganalisa politik tempatan, yang juga tidak mahu namanya disebarkan menjelaskan, perbandingan antara Hishamuddin dengan Hitler (lebih popular dengan nama samaran 2H) hanyalah dari segi zahir sahaja. “Pada saya, hanya hidung mereka yang agak besar serta mancung sahaja yang boleh dikatakan serupa,”. Mungkin adegan keris dan ucapan terlebih emosi dan jeritan itu hanyalah sekadar latihan buat Hishamuddin, yang ada hati untuk menaiki takhta Perdana Menteri Malaysia apabila beliau sudah cukup umur. Walaubagaimanapun, tanda tanya ke atas tahap kewarasannya masih berlegar di fikiran ramai rakyat Malaysia.

 -Ihsan TakdaNama (agensi berita tidak rasmi Malaysia)