MENJ – Jaguh Kampung of The Month

Baru-baru ini, MENJ, dalam kemarahannya di atas komen seorang bebal dari Belanda yang menghina umat Islam, telah mengugut untuk membelasah si bebal itu dengan tumbukan di mukanya. Pada pendapat kami, kejahilan orang Belanda itu tidak sepatutnya dibalas dengan keganasan. Bukankah lebih bermakna sekiranya diadakan dialog supaya orang Islam dan bukan Islam saling memahami dan menghormati satu sama lain?

Apa yang mencuitkan hati kami ialah keyakinan MENJ terhadap kekuatan fizikal badannya. Ada hati Si MENJ kita ni, yang badan sekeping akibat tak cukup disuap makan, nak berlagak menjadi samseng? Nak tergelak aku dibuatnya! Kalau setakat nak ugut belasah muka orang dalam laman web sendiri, baik tak payah. Seperti lirik sebuah lagu Melayu, “lupakan sajalah hasratmu”.

“Jaguh Kampung Of The Month” julung-julung dianugerahkan kepada Hishamuddin Hussein Onn pada bulan November di atas insiden melontar-lentir kerisnya. Sejak itu, tidak ada calon yang dirasakan layak dianugerahkan kehormatan ini. Calon “Jaguh Kampung” harus menunjukkan tahap kepintaran yang amat rendah, dan setelah dua bulan menunggu, kami yakin MENJ memenuhi ciri utama ini. Syabas, MENJ!

Jaguh Kampung Of The Month

Malaysian society is mired in a perpetual fixation with handing out awards and titles, and although our economic outlook is posted at 5% this year, early indicators point to a steady 8% growth per annum for datukship entitlements over the next decade, with the likelihood of a higher rate if either the Sultan of Pahang or the Yang Di-Pertuan Besar Negeri Sembilan choose to increase the already high figures of datukships handed out by the two states. As true-blue Malaysians, we would like to do our part in maintaining this culture of award ceremonies by presenting the ‘Jaguh Kampung’ award each month to the Malaysian we deem as most deserving of this highest honour. The Anugerah Jaguh Kampung recipient would encapsulate the mediocre and most absurd of Malaysian sensibilities, and we are proud to present this month’s inaugural Jaguh Kampung award to Umno Youth President Hishamuddin Hussein Onn for his overzealous rhetoric and keris-swaying demeanour at the recently-concluded UMNO General Assembly.

Hishamuddin was featured in this site’s inaugural post, “Kewarasan Hishamuddin Hussein Onn Dipersoal“, where his mental stability was questioned amid the ultra-national and fascist tones of his speech. His behaviour on and off-stage resembled a person on the verge of amok and it was quite worrying to witness a wannabe Prime Minister behaving in such irrational conduct. Just as Scandinavians possess a tendency towards alcoholism and Latinos are born with hip-swaying genes, we Malays are renowned for our amok DNA. Apparently it’s in our blood to just suddenly go psycho and kill off the entire village with a blunt keris. Incidentally, amok is one of the few Malay words registered in English dictionaries, although it’s been altered to ‘amuck’ and pronounced in a weird way that sounds more like ‘emak’.

In a recent interview with Joceline Tan of The Star, Hishamuddin denied his brandishing of the keris as a violent gesture towards non-Malays, viewing it instead as a cultural symbol to “motivate the Malays”. Hmm, Encik Hishamuddin, what’s wrong with a book? Brandishing a book – preferably something with an intellectual content, not your trashy tabloid Mastika – would be a far better symbol to motivate the Malays, given our poor academic and intellectual standing amongst other Malaysians. No, a book would be too sensible. No self-respecting amok would go about terrorizing the whole village with the complete set of Encyclopedia Brittanica. Thank you, Hishamuddin, for making us realise there’s an amok in each and every one of us. For that you deserve the Jaguh Kampung Bulan November award.